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Cancer

We all can relate to the pain cancer causes not only to its millions of victims but also to the family of cancer-stricken patients. In one way or another, we know someone who was afflicted by it – a family member, a relative, a friend or even a celebrity. One thing is for sure, it brings us closer together.

In 2015, in our facebook chatroom called Tuesday Group, a dear friend of mine messaged us 4 of her friends about her breast cancer diagnosis. It was an early stage at that time and she was positive she can get through it through proper treatment. I remember how awful that day was and it took a while for me to gain the courage to comfort her. I typed my replies “You can do it”, “We will ask for miracles”, “Nothing is impossible with prayers”, but behind that courageous facade, I was weeping. What were the right words to say to someone you love so much who’s diagnosed with cancer? It wasn’t sinking in. I found it hard to accept. But my friend is a tough chic. She talked about it openly in our chat room, updated us of her chemo sessions and asked us for support and prayers. Finally, she was down to her last chemo session, later on she got the good news – she’s cancer free!

January 2017, I was scheduled to meet my friend overseas to check how she’s doing after what she’s been through. We both had a tight schedule so I called her up and asked if we could meet somewhere. Unfortunately, she was working during weekdays while I was busy spending time with my family and my husband’s family during weekends. I was hoping we could hang out just like the old times so I invited her to the city, sadly she couldn’t travel far. I came back to Melbourne in February without seeing her but we’ve been in constant communication in our social media accounts. I’ve seen photos of her happily carrying her dog, attending work related events and she’s been back to work ever since. She’s good and happy. That is what’s most important.

Today, May 17. It was a usual day in the office, reading my work mails as soon as I got in. At around 9:30AM, I got a message from my friend breaking the news that the cancer is back. It had metastasized to her skull, shoulders, rib and knee.  I couldn’t reply back. I tried holding back my tears but I couldn’t. I asked God for a second, “why her?” There are a lot of other people  out there who do not have the right to live in this world, why did she have to go through this again and this time even worse? I have no answer. Again my mind went completely blank and I immediately regretted that I didn’t meet her when I had the chance. I was shaking, devastated and felt like the world fell upon me. She’s like a sister to me and I’m afraid for her. I’m afraid that her pain will cause her to just give up and not give it a big fight. I’m afraid of the fact that I may not see her again, ever. I’m afraid to show her I’m afraid during our chats. There’s nothing but fear in me right up to this very moment. She said she was ready to go. I’m not ready to let her go. Not just yet.

As I write this post, my heart is in deep pain and I share this pain to all of you who are going through the same journey. You may be parents, siblings, relatives or friends, who are like me, afraid to face the possibility of losing someone you love so dearly.  But despite the pain, the fear, the regret, one thing we still have left – faith. Let’s all be prayer warriors of each other. Does praying together make the prayer stronger? I don’t know. Does the number of people praying for the same request matter? Maybe, again I don’t know. But we just do it, because we believe that it will heal our loved ones. If it doesn’t heal the sickness, I believe it will eventually heal us and lead us to acceptance. xoxo